Being five-foot-eight since the fourth grade is definitely a way to stand out. I was a head taller and at least 50 pounds heavier than my friends, so inevitably this combination made me feel a little different. It never completely bothered me until one day when I was playing a game with my sisters and neighbors outside. The punishment for losing was to sprint about 100 yards down the street. So me and one of my neighbors, who was a boy two years older than me, sprinted all the way there and back. I finished running slightly before him, to which he uttered the words, “You run pretty fast for a fat girl.” Given that I was faster than him, I wondered why he couldn’t have just said I was fast. I looked at him with a blank stare, not knowing what to say, then moved on like nothing happened. The words repeated over and over in my head as I eventually made the short trek home. Little did nine-year-old me know that those words would ring in my head for years to come.

Although it wasn’t only that comment that had bothered me, it was the first time someone had pointed it out to my face so bluntly. From there, my confidence plummeted. I became hyper-aware of what I ate and wore. I was often washed over with the feeling that I was not enough, and I placed blame on how I looked for the way I was treated by others. I would insist whenever people didn’t like me that it was because of my height or weight. Everything revolved around the way others perceived me. It was the root of all of my problems, causing anxiety and leading me to be angry from an early age.

The overwhelming feeling that I was not good enough would manifest in crying while trying on new clothes in fitting rooms, when taking pictures with friends, or sometimes even while I got ready for school in the morning. It was something that consumed me entirely. Everywhere I went, it was all I could think about. My search history on my computer would consist of “how to lose 10 lbs overnight,” or “how to lose appetite quickly,” which I soon found was not possible. It was something that I ran from for many years, but somehow, even in the moments I was happy and content, the feeling that I wasn’t good enough found its way back into my mind.

My insecurities had become evident as I began lashing out at my family and friends at minor inconveniences and having anxious thoughts at all times. Sadly this continued throughout elementary and middle school years. But upon arriving at St. Andrew’s, I was gifted the ability to escape this cycle of self-hatred.

“Sports [at St. Andrew’s] provided me with a stronger sense of belonging and security. Practices and games became an outlet for all anxiety regarding my appearance. I grew to develop the mindset that 'my body enables me to play; so on the field or court, my body allows me to do what I love.' It was a shift in mentality that changed it all for me.” Katherine Meers ’25 

I started two new sports, field hockey and basketball, and continued to play soccer. Initially with starting these new sports, I was frustrated that I wasn’t great at them immediately. But with practice and a gain of muscle and coordination, I felt like I was good at something. Or at least I was good enough. I felt in control. Sports were something I could work for to become more confident, while benefiting my body. 

Within all my sports, my height and strength have been used to my advantage (besides the occasional yellow card or fouling out). Without my body, I wouldn’t be able to rebound as well while playing basketball or be a strong defender in soccer. I had found a way to take what occupied so much unnecessary space in my brain and focus on something I enjoy. With this, I was given more and more confidence as I continued to excel and develop in sports.

Sports provided me with a stronger sense of belonging and security. Practices and games became an outlet for all anxiety regarding my appearance. I grew to develop the mindset that “my body enables me to play; so on the field or court, my body allows me to do what I love.” It was a shift in mentality that changed it all for me.

I encourage you to take an insecurity of yours and focus that energy onto something that will relieve the distress that it causes. It may be a process of trial and error, but with time, the energy you take into hating something will concentrate onto the newfound activity you put it into.

It’s a time-consuming process. Confidence was not something I was granted immediately; patience and a conscious effort to shift my mentality were essential. Sometimes, it felt as if I was growing sideways and not progressing forward. However, growing sideways is still growing. Embracing the things we don’t like about ourselves and finding a way to gain from them is essential for evolution. It took time to fully embrace being comfortable with myself, but now when someone tells me I am enough, I believe them. Despite my progress, there are still lingering setbacks I face due to my once-prominent insecurities. But now, I feel comfortable enough to embrace and manage my thoughts instead of becoming harsh on myself and others. I can proudly say that for all those years I craved the feeling of being little, it’s definitely good that I’ve grown.