When A’Zir Carey ’25, Abraham Perry ’26, and Kim Murrell ’24 were asked about their experience at the Black Male Initiative Conference, their eyes light up, they smile, and they speak with passion about their day spent with 300 other young Black men from across the state. 

“There were a bunch of other kids there that were just like me,” says Murrell, “with the same childhood sense of humor. It was loads of fun.”

“Loads of fun” isn’t the standard takeaway from most conferences, yet it’s easy to see why the 12 St. Andrew’s students in attendance were enthralled. Hosted on February 24, the Delaware State University Black Male Initiative Conference is designed to “empower the ‘total’ man of color by putting him on the path of wholeness and academic success in the nation and beyond.” Breakout sessions ranged from professional-development planning to developing social and emotional competence to managing personal identity and perception. 

“We got a lot of advice from Black professionals,” says Carey. “We learned about networking and how to go about college and life after college—just a lot of life advice. It was really enlightening and good to see so many successful Black males in one room.”

Initially, however, the St. Andrew’s students were apprehensive about what they were walking into. Associate Dean of Students and Head Basketball Coach Terrell Myers, who chaperoned the group alongside Associate Director of Admission Jordan Poarch, felt their nerves on the van ride down to Dover. The students—all members of Onyx, the school’s affinity group for Black students who identify as male—ranged in grade level and varying degrees of friendship with one another. Leaving the St. Andrew’s bubble added another layer of nerves, and upon arrival, the students kept to themselves. But as the morning proceeded, Myers saw their reserved manner fade as they witnessed other high schoolers expressing themselves more fully.

“​​I think that was refreshing for them,” says Myers. “They felt like they could exhale and not be judged by their hair, by their language, by their style. I think that was pretty cool for them, seeing other kids that looked like them.”

Finding similarities in appearance and experience among peers and mentors are crucial for students navigating the ups and downs of life. Research overwhelmingly suggests that positive social relationships, support, and acceptance help shape the development of self-esteem. Delaware State University is one of the nation’s Historically Black Colleges and Universities (HBCU), and that environment can be a perfect place for Black students to nurture their identities and self-worth. Dr. Danica Tisdale-Fisher, St. Andrew’s Dean of Inclusion and Belonging, experienced this firsthand—her father worked at DSU for many years, and she grew up frequenting the campus. When a colleague’s wife sent her the conference details, she knew it would be a great opportunity for the members of Onyx.

“I think it makes a difference seeing a sea of Black boys and feeling like you are a part of this larger collective of engaging and thoughtful boys and men,” says Fisher. “Sometimes, the statistics don’t reflect that these high-achieving students exist.”

Navigating an environment like St. Andrew’s—that is, predominantly white and academically rigorous—comes with a lot of challenges for a freshman like Perry. The breakout session he sat in on at the conference, “The Winner’s Mindset,” explored strategies to thrive in competitive environments and surpass familial or social expectations. Perry says it helped strengthen his resiliency.

“Especially at St. Andrew’s, it can be rough sometimes,” says Perry. “Like ‘Dang, I didn’t do as well as I wanted to on a test.’ That’s why I think [the mindset] is very important, because there are a lot of times when I doubt myself and I have to remember, ‘You got this, bounce back, you are here for a reason.’”

The day peaked during lunch, when the conference participants collided with DSU students in the cafeteria. There were steppers welcoming the students, fraternities and sororities engaging with each other, and delicious soul food that created, for Perry, an “electrified” environment. That vibe carried over to the van ride back: conversation was flowing, filled with the ideas the students had just learned. As the vans got closer to campus, Murrell, usually more reserved, pleaded with Myers to keep driving around town so they could keep the good times rolling.

“I think sometimes the social events are more important than the formal programming [affinity groups] do,” says Fisher. “It gives them a chance to build relationships. It can be hard [at St. Andrew’s]. The students are so busy … the more they can be together socially, the better their work in the community will be.”

Perry certainly grew closer with his Onyx peers as a result. 

“Before the conference, I didn't really find myself talking to everyone [in the affinity group],” says Perry. “Now, sometimes I just go to their dorm rooms and hang out. My bubble expanded more after the conference.”

When asked what they wanted to bring back from the conference, each student mentioned branching out and sharing more about themselves with their peers at St. Andrew’s. Carey returned thinking about how he could insert himself in new communities of people on campus. The conference advice that stuck with him was “be confident in what you’re trying to show the world,” even when it might be uncomfortable. It’s an admirable—and wise—reminder from Carey: There is strength in vulnerability. Extending beyond a known group of friends and stepping outside of your comfort zone can seem like scary endeavors. Yet as springtime ushers students to the Front Lawn to play spike ball and socialize, Perry suggests starting there.

“You just go up to someone and say, ‘Hey, how are you?’ Or just sit at a different lunch or dinner table and be like ‘What’s up, how’s your day going?’ Simple things like that,” he says. “Then, eventually, having bigger, better conversations with that person.”

To get to the real conversations, Myers thinks the key is embracing differences and meeting people where they are.

“I say this all the time,” says Myers. “If you look at St. Andrew’s, it’s an island and everyone’s coming from their own island to this big one. When they are coming, they’re dumping all their stuff here. There’s so much to try and unpack, but nobody’s talking about where this stuff came from. It’s just there! We should just try to unpack it. Let’s talk about it, let’s have real conversations and not bring judgment to them.”

Myers, who also attended boarding school, reminisced about unpacking differences in hairstyles between him and his roommate. Those conversations, he mentions, happened back in his dorm room during unstructured downtime. 

“It’s really hard to schedule time to be genuine,” says Myers. “It just happens authentically. We have to be authentic for those magic moments to happen.”